I really don’t know if this can be considered a bikini or even a bathing suit because it’s actually just some string that’s tied around this girl’s body but isn’t it HOT! It must be hard to move around without constantly re-adjusting the suit because of the verticle lines unless she has it taped to her body….yeah that has to be it because there’s NO WAY this swimsuit can stay in place all by itself and if I were near this girl, I’d make sure IT DIDN’T. Ok, now that I’ve recovered my senses….let’s give this one THE SKIMPIEST BIKINI AWARD of the week.

I love summertime because all of the hottest babes come out wearing the sexiest bikinis. It doesn’t matter to me if they’re cute or ugly because I’m not looking at their faces anyways. I’m looking at their bods. Call me whatever you want but let’s face it, you can always put a bag over her head but it won’t fit over her body. Like for instance, the Girl #7 has an awesome body but her face looks like she’s a living dead ghoul. See what I mean????

Ok, I thought this was her mom but this is actually Jessica Biel from the movie A-Team and girlfriend to Justin Timberlake. She’s looking mighty rough these days. She needs to take some of that money she got from the A-Team movie and get some enhancements to make herself look more sexy. As these actresses get older, they get tired looking. Shoot, I remember back when she was a scream queen in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I would have all kinds of naughty dreams about Jessica…but now…???? Oh no!!

Can’t get a date to ride out with you on your Harley on a Friday night? Well worry no more, you can have your very own Motorcycle Bikini Doll that will never leave your side. Take her anywhere you go and the best part is she won’t nag or bother you with complaints when you drink too much beer. Comes in all nationalities and colors to suit your pleasure. First come, first serve and no refunds.

I really don’t know what the Swedish Bikini Team is actually a team of but who cares. Those babes are hot but we already know that about those Swedish girls. They’re born blonde and beautiful. I wonder if there are any ugly Swedish babes? I have yet to see one but I’m sure there are….ugliness is universal. Let’s give them the HOTTEST FOREIGN BIKINI BABES AWARD of the week.

Looking at this Bacon Wrapped Bikini Girl makes me so hungry. All I want to do is get out the frying pan and crack a few eggs and put some toast in the oven. She’s kind of the perfect package because once you’ve finished cooking all of the bacon on her body, you’ll still have something left to eat. *wink *wink

Get out the trailer park and country music because it’s a redneck bikini jamboree. This little filly and her beau are hanging out showing us how much of a true rednecks they are. My entire family is filled with rednecks and when we get together for a party, it’s all fun. I get so drunk and usually end up in bed with somebody who I can only hope I’m not related to. This girl has so many rolls and creases in her skin, I thought she was a Shar Pei puppy.

Looking like a nice salad buffet are two babes showing us how green they are. I like to eat my veggies so eating the lettuce off of their bodies wouldn’t be a problem for me. I’d throw on some balsamic dressing, a few croutons and some cheese and totally chow down on these two beautiful babes. So, I’ll give them the HEALTHIEST BIKINI BABES AWARD of the week.

P.S. You can tell they’ve got beauty but not too much brains….they’re wearing lettuce but holding hot dogs…..whatever…I’m still hungry.

Looks like Lindsay Lohan is trying to make the most of her SCRAM (alcohol monitoring) device. I feel sorry for Lindsay actually because obviously she is surrounded by people who are enabling her and aren’t looking out for her best interest or she wouldn’t have to wear the special anklet. For her sake, I hope she can get it together or it’s going to get worst for her before it gets better. Good luck to you Lindsay. No bikini award, I was gonna make fun of her but it’s a sad state of affairs.

Well if it isn’t songbird Mariah Carey sporting her hot bikini body. This photo is obviously a bit older because lately Mariah has packed on THE POUNDS. She must have put on at least 30-40 pounds but it must be because of marriage bliss or else she is preggers but she’s not admitting it yet. If she’s packing on the pounds naturally, then I think that’s commendable because it shows young girls that they don’t have to be stick thin to get a man and you really don’t. I may joke around but fat can be attractive, depending on how you hold it up.